There's a character in my head. I don't know where she belongs. I don't know if she lives in the YA novel that I began (and abandoned) in NaNoWriMo (she could be the mother) or if she has her own story. She spoke to me. She spoke in prose, she spoke in verse. I'm going to share this, but I really don't know where it's going.....
Standing there
In the Vestibule
In her long white dress
She knew.
This was a mistake.
Even though
Everyone
(and by Everyone, she meant her mother)
Thought he was perfect
and
A Wonderful Guy,
He wasn't
Perfect
and Wonderful
For her.
This was a mistake.
And because
It wasn't in her
To disappoint a crowd,
To withstand the scrutiny,
To face the stares,
She made another mistake.
She said, "I do".
Oh, I love where this is going! I absolutely love verse novels! I hope this character continues to speak to you. Keep listening and keep writing!
ReplyDeleteI want to tell her, listen to yourself, stop! I hope this will not have a bad ending for her. You've caught my interest now what will you do Deb?
ReplyDeleteIt stands alone very well all by itself contained, but wouldn't it be nice as an opening to a book? Very nice visual and emotional piece. I want it to end well. Perhaps it was only a mistake for a while, but things turned around???
ReplyDeleteDeb,
ReplyDeleteThis is powerful. You have a great lead. I want to know more!
This is really interesting! I want to learn more. I want to tell her to stop but I know she won't so I want to discover why his is wrong for her and what will happen in her life.
ReplyDeleteI hope she keeps talking to you. Sounds like she has a great story to tell.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others. A great start and it drew me in. What about her mother so influences her? Why is he so wrong? Will she learn to stand up for herself? Questions abound.
ReplyDeleteOh, this sounds interesting! I think you have the beginning of something good here! Keep going!
ReplyDeleteA great beginning. It piques my interest. I hope this is only a beginning to some great writing.
ReplyDeleteOh no, I had a friend that I begged to back out. She did not, & I won't tell the rest of the story, but you have caught me up already into this young woman's life. The plight of many girls and woman, to please. You got me with that line, Deb. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteooh, chillingly poignant! I shivered at the end. Sounds like this story needs telling -- maybe your character could help a real-life girl avoid the same fate!
ReplyDeletewow, I loved it...I'm glad that my daughter didn't marry the one everyone thought was perfect, including me :) It sounds ominous.
ReplyDeleteThe line about everyone being her mother....rang true. Love your poetry. Want to be the first to read your PUBLISHED book. (What an awesome goal!)
ReplyDeleteOh, wow. You have to begin or start again. I wanted to write a story about my life only as a realistic fiction story. Instead of a person, I've ended up writing a children's book about a mouse--you figure. If you write, it will come.
ReplyDeleteI am really enjoying your writing. Not sure how to eloquently tell you...other than it makes me want to read more and that's always a good sign of writing.
ReplyDeleteLove the use of the beginnings using the word to.
Great character, Deb, with such a potentially interesting story. I really hope you keep listening to her voice and writing her story. I have a million questions about her already. I think this poem would also make a great prompt for student writing. What happens next?
ReplyDeleteI am totally intrigued as to the setting of this character's story. Is she in a fairytale kind of world? What year is she from? Present day(that would be unexpected, but delicious all the same)? Is she from the United States?
ReplyDeleteThe best writing leaves us wanting more. You've certainly accomplished that.
I love that there's characters speaking in your mind. Isn't it the best? (As long as you don't think about how it might be a little nutty! LOL)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing,
Ruth