Saturday, March 3, 2012

Recalculating


Two years ago, I bought my husband a Garmin for Christmas. I don't understand why he wanted a GPS. I think he just wanted a new toy because everyone else had them. But, I bought it for him anyway.

First of all, he can't program it. Why? Because he always drives, so I always program it. I put in the addresses. I listen to the voice give directions.

Recalculating.

Secondly, he thinks "she's" wrong most of the time. No matter where we are, no matter what "she" says, his response is either, "That can't be right!" or "I'm taking this road instead."

Recalculating.

Friday night we packed up after school and headed about two and a half hours north for a visit with old friends. We've been there several times and actually know where we are going (for the most part). But Greg asks me to turn on the Garmin and plug in their address when we are about an hour down the road. He knows the highway he's looking for--he just can't remember the number.

"Nope, that's not right."

Recalculating.

I reset the settings from fastest route to shortest distance. Garmin sends us on a new path.

Nope.

Recalculating.

"Call Tom. I want to ask him how he goes."

Recalculating.

I reset Garmin back to fastest route. She's still not right. But we keep driving.

Soon I hear her say, "In point four miles turn left onto _____ Road." Of course, we don't want that.

Recalculating.

"In point two miles turn left onto _____Street."  Nope, not that one either.

Recalculating.

"In point five miles turn left onto ....."

Recalculating.

I turned her off before she exploded.


18 comments:

  1. Deb - this is absolutely hilarious! I think it is a universal man thing. I wonder what would happen if you had a male voice on the Garmin? Ha ha. This piece is just so entertaining, I read it aloud to my husband, who laughed hysterically, but also asked why I thought it was funny, because he is sure your husband must know what he is doing. :)

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  2. FUNNY! I can so identify with the frustration of the Garmin voice. My GPS is called Lola, and some times she develops quite an attitude when I don't do exactly what she says. I loved the repetitious recalculating (but of course you knew I would). Enjoy your time with friends.

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  3. You're too funny, Deb. I so enjoyed traveling with you, Greg and Garmin. We don't have a GPS, and now I'm thinking that might be a good thing. :)

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  4. Deb, thanks for confirming that we are not the only people who have a GPS (called Mio)who constantly says "Recalculating". When we got back from our vacation in February, I wrote a blog about our adventures with Mio. Hope you have a wonderful time visiting.

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  5. Deb, This would be funny if it wasn't so frustrating (I imagine) I love that he said "I'm taking this road instead." And on and on. I suspect that you might have been ready to explode too! Love the way you wrote it, just laid it all out for us to observe, and laugh! Thanks for sharing! BTW-did you arrive safely?

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  6. Loved that Lewis and Clark connection...go forth and navigate, adventurers, never mind the GPS! I also had to laugh, because this is just what my husband does, as well - there is, it seems, always a better way than what the lady in our dashboard is guiding us on.

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  7. We did arrive safely, Linda. And made great time--which is all important in the man world! I really wasn't that frustrated--we've been together forever and I know what is going to happen! I actually mentally wrote this post as he drove

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  8. HAHAHA! My mom has a Garmin and I LOVE how you interspersed "Recalculating" throughout your post. I could hear that voice saying that in my head perfectly! How funny that your husband thinks it's "wrong" -- why does he want it if he's not going to use it? hehe. Your last line is absolutely perfect. Too funny!

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  9. I'm sure your GPS appreciated it! Haha. I'm still using good ole maps myself. My phone has GPS and I tried it once but couldn't really hear it over my radio so I'll stick with what I know. But I could definitely picture sitting in the back watching all this unfold though. Hilarious!

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  10. I agree with Jennifer, the repetition was great! And like Christine, I could totally hear the voice, hmmmm does that mean I don't listen to my GPS either??? Too funny! You inspire me to work on writing funny posts. Mine have been more serious.

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  11. Love your post. Our Garmin has voice command and the first five minutes my husband repeats the command over and over, each time louder until she recognizes the command.

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  12. Ahh...great post on the frustrations of a GPS! However, here in Korea, I don't know how people would live without one. Good thing I don't drive and need to deal with it.

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  13. Ha! Being new to this whole slice deal, I'm loving how they range from serious to personal and brave to poetry to philosophy and ideas to humor. This was so much fun; repetition to create structure and humor. Sweet!

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    1. Thanks, Paul. Slicers are a unique bunch. You will find a lot of variety and genre as you read through the month.

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  14. I also think the lady gets less patient in her tone the more she has to say recalculating. I can almost hear her rolling her eyes at me.

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    1. She certainly does. She was pretty snarky by the time I turned her off!

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  15. OMG - can you hear cracking up all the way from Michigan? I love that your husband still didn't trust "her" because what she said just couldn't be right.

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  16. Hilarious! I love that although this probably irritated you as much as it irritated "her" you are also amused by your husband's quirk.

    I love my GPS, but that British guy is not always right, either ;)

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